20/20 Vision
Can you imagine what it would be like if we were born with 20-20 vision into our future?
If we could stop and see what our lives would become and what our priorities would be? I recently had the luxury of spending 3 full days with college friends. There were a few things that struck me- things I didn’t realize or anticipate going into it.
One was the realization that a huge part of who we are is formed when we are very young.
Who we are, the ways we contribute, how we “plug in”; it amazes me how early that is formed. How consistent it remains. Shared history is also an amazing unifier, a wordless language. I have been saying and heard recently, when friends are old enough they share our memories. They share our memories so succinctly that they even fill in the fuzziness. They remember names we cannot, fill in the gap’s, the unknowing, they can find what is too far on the outskirts for us to find.
But seeing the world briefly through our 20-year old eyes captures so many things. It is a snapshot in time. Our younger selves are a time when we are trying on the various outfits of life, determining what our life uniform will be. What character we will become in this world and who we will share our lives with? That 20-year old self that is precious.
If I could go back and speak to her, how would I counsel her? How would I help her find her path? What parts of me are surprising? What are the pieces that I assumed would be?
I think the other part of this gathering that surprised me was how our time on this earth seems to have leveled the playing field. I have no idea if this is what happens with time for most old friends, or if good fortune allowed these particular friends to have evolved in similar ways that I have.
To me, this means their values have grown in a way I identify with, their compass has straightened and focused on their “true north”, as one of us astutely said this weekend. Everyone is having their struggles- of course— no one living a real life is free from that, but what astounded me about this gathering was the absence of defensiveness.
The sincere ownership of flaws and struggles, and the matter-of-fact way it came up in conversation.
The acceptance that life is complicated and there is just no room for judgment.
There was so much empathy, compassion and support. Everyone had their moment in the sun. We all had the opportunity to have the ear of the group, to soak up and take in the experience of being heard and nurtured and validated, and so, so incredibly valued.
Of course, the laughter that came with all that safety was equally profound. To laugh with 100 percent security that whatever you are laughing at will be shared is a gift in and of itself. I have rarely heard so many people leave saying that they are full. In all the ways feeling full can mean.
Still laughing, still smiling, and also standing straighter, stronger and more certain. Feeling grateful to our 20-year old selves for having the judgment to make these connections and to our current selves for figuring out a way to maintain them.
