Sticking Our Necks Out

This is a theme I have been encountering with my patients recently. Standing up or out for something. Why does it make us feel so anxious?

Why does having a voice or taking a stand feel like we are exposing ourselves, or turning our insides out- for all the world to see? 

I believe it must be an affront to our herd mentality. Our primitive drive to be one of the group (as always, all roads lead to survival). Think of adolescence. The entire focus of teenage life is to fit in, and be a part of the “pack”. Even the most interesting unique grown ups, who seem to have no issue at all with saying what is on their mind, I would bet have felt conflict around saying “too much” or “sticking their necks out” at some point in their lives. This is why we have anonymous whistleblowers in our world, protection for individuals that have had the courage to speak out against the common culture.

Do we need to protect those who speak the truth?

What is that instinct? To bite our tongue when we know something feels off, or stand back and allow someone else to do the heavy lifting of standing up for what they believe in as we silently agree? I know for me, I feel nervous about the reaction. The eye roll, the “here we go again”, or being the squeaky wheel. Or maybe even being wrong, or not “getting it”.

I have had experiences where standing up for what I believe has caused reactions from those that I was deeply hurt by. Friends or family saying to me I am too “clinical” in my words, or come across as too direct or too intense. But I think the reality is that I may come across as too real.

For so many life reasons, I have a strong commitment to living in crisp reality.

I try so hard to not sweep things under the rug, to not allow myself to wait for disaster before I react. I know that sometimes my commitment to my own reality forces others to be in reality whether they want it or not. I have worked hard at developing an ability to react to my instincts because I have learned through work and experience that waiting can create a wildfire. The smoke signals from our gut are truly a warning sign. I believe that the more we say what we believe in and allow ourselves to question things- even those we love, the stronger and clearer, and better we become. 

I know that sticking our necks out requires two things. Tolerance and Effort.

Tolerating our own unease and anxiety in the pit of our stomach. This churning in our stomach happens because when we speak out we allow the world to see inside of us. We are letting the universe know what we have strong feelings, even what we are passionate about. These passions and convictions are often the core of who we are and we are instinctively protective of our core; our inner-most selves. 

And second, it requires Effort. Work. Belief. Commitment. Adhering to the idea that we want the world and our relationships to feel a certain way, and it is important enough for us to speak up. Our smoke signals alone are important enough to be responded to. They are not to be skipped or missed or swallowed.

Learning to speak from our gut will prevent the wildfire from raging. I promise.