Girls.Boys.Food
I have two teenage sons. Incredible, lanky, languid athletes.
They sit in their skin without a thought or care. They eat entire pizzas as a snack, and rip through food with abandon.
I asked them the other day if they have ever felt fat? I asked them if they understand the concept of looking in the mirror and not liking what they see, or feeling “excess” or “gross”. I explained this foreign experience of not liking how clothes fit, not because they actually don’t fit, but it is because they don’t like the way the clothes drape or hug their bodies. Their boobs, or legs, or stomach or arms.
It was a concept that was very difficult for them to wrap their brains around in a salient way.
I also know that most 16 year old girls, do not look in the mirror the way these boys do. Girls from a very young age evaluate their appearance with criticism and shame-with comparative eyes.
When I pushed my boys harder to imagine what it must be like to feel discomfort in their skin- not because they are physically ill, but because they actually “felt” fat- they were surprised. It was foreign to them this feeling that I was describing.
Food was not something that they thought about this way- their bodies serve only the purpose of getting them from place to place, and being able to play their respective sports.
These boys have only two modes around food, hungry and full. Food is not filled with confusion and representations and hidden meanings.
There is genuine puzzlement when I import the idea to them that there is a value system for food; some foods are “good” and some are “bad”. “The reason why you cannot have pizza for dinner is because you had burgers for lunch”; Their heads tip to the side- curious, patient, like a dog who does not know what is about to happen- waiting for the rational reason to follow…because- why?
And then I am acutely aware that even as I do all this work in eating and I have for decades - I also participate in the morality based food culture. It is so interwoven in my skin that it pops out without me realizing it.
The truth that I am an inadvertent advocate, a complicit participant, in giving food it’s power. In allowing food to have a moral compass.
I am aware that there are plenty of boys that struggle with appearance, and weight, but my gut and my work tells me that the deck is still stacked against the girls- meaning all individuals who identify as girls or women.
The she-scape of body image is layered and complex, and for so many reasons, our incredible girls shoulder this burden.
How I would love for our teenage girls to have the sensation of simplicity in their bodies- even for one single day. The life experience of truly believing the body is for function, not for form.
