“The Greeks”
I have a friend who works in finance. She is a total and complete badass. If any woman can survive in what is still (no matter how many ceilings we shatter) a man’s world- it is her. I love her. She has been my friend since I was actually 5 years old.
We have a shorthand and a trust that runs to our core. Our relationship could be, and probably will be its own blog post, but that is the brief description of our relationship. We both work in the city, and occasionally our train schedules synch up, and we get to meet before we head home. As a result- I have been given a little window into her world.
I meet her, and sometimes her work colleagues at the same place- they refer to it as “the Greeks”. It is, for me, access to her world of men; the camaraderie, the playfulness, but also a real sense of how well these men know each other, rake each other over the coals but deeply care for each other.
My friend, the lone woman, serves as sister, friend, confidante and colleague.
So, apparently, a few of these esteemed colleagues now subscribe to my newsletter. They read my blog, and this past time at “The Greeks” I got some feedback.
Aside from the fact that I feel immensely honored that men who you would not necessarily think would be psychologically minded are reading this blog, I was grateful that they had enough thoughts about it to bring it up.
So, in my last post, which was about girls, boys and food, I think that by validating the experience of girls, I unintentionally invalidated the experience of boys and men.
It gave me pause; I am very attuned and often state that being a woman is not easy. I stand by that belief. I think women are often dismissed, and judged by physicality, their experiences often minimized, their ambition judged.
BUT I am also acknowledging that being a man is hard too.
The criteria for male success is not easy. The challenge to keep their bodies pristine, stay “on top of their game”, be able to hit the gym at 5am, be on the desk by 6:45, financially provide, and also never show signs of stress and emotion is grueling.
Physical attractiveness and food is a part of many of their lives, it does not exist exclusively in the world of women. That is truth.
Though men’s bodies may not be talked about in the “locker room way” we women imagine women’s bodies to be talked about, they still are symbolic of success.
Men also use their bodies as ways of compensation, prisons of judgment, and forms of punishment. I think that because being male is accompanied by a push to be unemotional, we don’t necessarily think and identify with the emotionality that comes with being male.
More specifically, we don’t consider the emotion and energy required to be unemotional.
Anger is one of the only safe emotions for men, and for those of us that are psychologically minded, we know anger only masks the deeper feelings; sadness, fear, rejection and hurt. It is a burden to be expected to financially support your family, to feel like a failure when you struggle to do so.
The competition around money and power is relentless, and there is no room for weakness and vulnerability.
A woman who makes money is considered a trailblazer, she get’s a “good for you” or “that’s impressive” whereas a man get’s silence and apathy. There is a simply a check in the box of “meets expectations”.
So- my apologies to “the Greeks”. I see my incredible friend who is taken care of, and see also how important it is that she takes care of her people. I see individuals who know each others’ stories, their lives, and their train schedules.
They take care of each other in a way that is so necessary when you work in a field where emotion is not the norm. I will do my best not to miss it again, in food, bodies and in all things.
And—thanks for keeping me on my toes :)
