It’s You Not Them

Sometimes my work in session directly inspires my writing. It is the best when that happens- it is a continual reinforcement of both crafts- writing and therapizing. The overarching theme of this inspirational session was an old stand-by- one I have heard countless times over the years- and one that happens to me all the time.

It lands in the space of things that happen to everyone- but when it is happening to you in real time it feels unique and you cannot quell the irritation around it.

The topic is - what do I do when everyone around me is getting on my nerves?

No matter who they are and what they say- it is irritating. Your partner? Annoying. Your mother or father? Beyond annoying. Even your best friend- not getting it. Wtf.

It kind of just generally is not great. It is not a full blown depression, or unrelenting anxiety- but nothing and no one are fitting the bill. So what is the answer? Why does it happen and what is there to be done?

Well- the reality is that when we are looking at just sheer statistical probability- everyone in the world cannot be having a bad day at the same time. Just kind of impossible for that to happen.

So this leads us to the conclusion that the common variable is….US. Our own selves.

You are irritable. You are annoyed. You are impatient. You are looking for soothing- but probably have no idea what needs to be soothed. I know that when I can’t stand anyone- I probably am the problem.

As I have talked about many times- being psychologically minded is often about recognizing our own cues. What are our own signals that tell us that we are “out of sorts”? Global irritation and unsoothable agitation? Those are my two major signs that my brain is telling me to take a walk.

Do NOT start an argument. Change it up. Exercise, meditate, read a book, watch a show. Change the environment. I like to relate it to an internal thermostat.

If we are running hot, the best way to change the temperature is to start with changing ourselves.

Ice cubes on the pulse points, the back of the neck or the wrists. Maybe we need to feel effective for a minute. Clean the kitchen. Order something on your list that you haven’t done that you really need (not want).

Before we take the entire universe down, try first to recognize what you are sitting with.

Try to sit with the discomfort and irritability, until what is underneath it starts to show itself. There will be answers underneath the irritability. Maybe you are sad or a little lonely? Maybe you are working too hard and need some love and affection? Maybe you are out of rhythm with people that you care about?

Or simply- it has just been a long day and you want to feel loved and cared for and not have to ask for it.

I promise you- that when you find the source of the irritation within you, you will feel calmer.

You will begin to feel “regulated”. The temperature will come down, or go up if you tend to run icy and remote. As we regulate, our irritation will dissipate. Miraculously the voices on the other side of our conversations will feel normal again. ❤️