The Spheres

I sat down to write this post, filled with contrasting emotions. It allowed me to notice that often things in one area can feel good, and in another they can feel incomplete and tenuous. Yet, what I find in this moment of stillness, is that it is important to be aware of which things lead to an overall experience of restlessness and what leads to an overall experience of calm.

I believe that one of the best indicators of our overall experience lies in our relationships.

The 3 spheres: Family, Friends and Work.

I find that I am most at peace when I am connected in all 3 spheres. When I am centered, or “based” in all 3. 

The lottery ticket lies in having friends who cross spheres.

I am lucky enough to have a few- who are colleagues as well as my closest friends. The synergy of being fluent in multiple languages with them is transcendent. Seamlessly we set-shift from work to life and back again without missing a beat.

Never getting lost, keeping pace, and feeling known and seen in multiple dimensions. 

I have friends, who regardless of our busy lives, we find a way to find a moment together. Our families flow together as family, not simply friends. I find things don’t become real until they know them. They have been in my life for so long that our memories are one; they have lived the same experiences, shared my eyes and both metaphorically and literally watched the world go by from my front step. 

Then of course there are my friends who share my actual life. They share my view from the sideline, they know me as a mother and friend. They know the foods my kids like, they know the importance of my sleep schedule and the nature of my work schedule, and treat my children as their own. They are my community, 

My family is the axis upon which it all spins; my husband and children, my parents and my brothers.

When my marriage is off, when our communication is bad, when we are not on the same page- the feeling of unease persists. It causes the world to be slightly off-kilter, nagging at my sense of balance.

It requires the determination to have the conversation that will set it to rights. Sometimes it requires a few attempts. It is not always fixed in one shot. BUT, a commitment to not living with the unease is how to keep a marriage on course; how to keep the primary axis strong.

And of course–those kids. If we have them, we know that the world is not right when they are not right. They are the center of it all ultimately. The source of all things joy, and all things hard.

So- when I feel out of sorts, it is relationships and connection that bring me back. It can take literally one phone call. One back and forth of laughter about ridiculousness, a shared headshake, the sense of being known. It shifts the entire experience from feeling irritated and anxious, to relaxed and secure.

Try it.

Do not surrender to the unease, combat it by using your relationships to bring you back.