Eating Disorders and the Patriarchy
I feel hesitant to identify as a feminist, though I’m unsure why.
It might be because I don’t want to alienate men.
My hope is for men to appreciate women's strength, intelligence, and capability without feeling threatened.
When I write, I aim to communicate in a balanced, thoughtful way rather than coming across as strident. This delicacy reflects my beliefs about how women can be perceived, and I find myself navigating the challenge of being assertive without being dramatic.
I work with so, so many women.
Women of all ages. From 14-65.
I have the privilege of seeing the world through the eyes of girls and women- all of their struggles and issues are unique, but the reality of being a girl or woman is consistent.
I’ve noticed that men often direct questions about financial matters to their male peers and adjust their tone when speaking to women, assuming that women's worries are different.
There seems to be a belief that women are primarily focused on family and home rather than on finances, mortgage payments, politics, or broader societal issues.
Our society stands on the shoulders of a world that men have dominated.
Women have taken the backseat regardless of their own prowess and clear capability. In our world, being of a “privileged class” still often means women don’t work. Men make the money, and women are at home dealing with the domestic sphere.
Yet, the difficult truth is that those who make the money often maintain the power. They are the ultimate decision-makers, and they have the power to reject or approve things unilaterally.
We hear men say, “You will have to check with the boss,” referring to their wives. This is typically about their social calendar, but it is rarely when they are addressing investment opportunities, properties they want to buy, or juggling their finances.
Men are also reluctant to share their burdens and fears with their spouses, leaving them alone with their financial fears and stresses.
So, how do women exert power and authority?
Women have found other ways to prove their power and influence. The hierarchy among women is often non-verbal.
We show we can manage everything perfectly. The carpools, the volunteering, the kids' social schedule and social standing, the sports, and do not forget, the holy grail of physical perfection.
As I have been steeping in this upcoming election, I am asking myself- what will this mean for women? Will girls and women have a female role model of power and authority, as opposed to a female role model referred to as elegant and graceful?
How many past presidents are described as “graceful” or “sophisticated”? Our finest presidents are described as “powerful”, “smart” “brilliant orators” and “commanders in chief”. Their elegance and sophistication are simply not a part of the job description.
Yet the greatest of First Ladies, from Jackie Kennedy to Michelle Obama, are described as kind, elegant and sophisticated.
Eating disorders prevail partially because they are how women communicate their swallowed power and success. Thinness is not required for survival, and can be contradictory to survival, YET, society continues to marry thinness with success.
What if women could use their voices to communicate their power instead of their bodies?
What if dominance, intellect, and balance were not an assumption based on appearance but a decision based on spoken leadership and authority?
If women could feel powerful based on who they were, would the needle begin to shift away from power being enmeshed with body status?
Once we stop equating thinness to power, we change an essential piece of the formula.
The only way to flip the switch on the culture of eating disorders is to eliminate the sanctity of thin.
Get to KnowDr. Danielle Shelov
Dr. Shelov's therapeutic approach emphasizes understanding individuals within the context of their families, childhood experiences, relationships, and larger systems as crucial to psychological treatment.
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