The Strength Found in Teamwork and Community
My poor son should have never gone to college- he has become my writing fodder. When he was about eight years old, it was apparent that there were two age groups of boys (birth years 2006/2007) from our community who were exceptionally talented soccer players.
The group read more like a UN delegation, with many countries representing many languages, yet serendipitously we all ended up in the same town, at the same time.
Going against the “every person for themselves” travel sports culture- we merged age groups.
The younger kids (07’s) agreed to play up, forfeiting an opportunity to be dominant in a younger age group, and the older kids agreed that they would not look for kids in their own year that may be bigger, stronger, or faster.
They would merge and play as a team.
The team joined in 2016, in 5th and 6th grade, respectively, and played their final game together as a unit in June 2024, as the 06s left for college.
These boys played together for a total of 8 years—that is, high school and college combined—without a break (for those struggling in the math department).
The team remained steadfastly the same over all those years. We had additions as the required number of players on the field rose (U8 required only eight players), and as the boys grew bigger and stronger, more numbers were needed. Yet the players who joined after 2016 folded right into this team and stayed. Quickly, the newer faces became as vital a part of this team as the original crew; it is hard to remember a time without them.
So- what was the difference?
What allowed this team to stay together and flourish? To ultimately become a family?
The parents in lock-step with their kids, sacrificing most holiday breaks, parts of their summer, and nearly every weekend of their lives? Most parents have flown somewhere in this country, escorting 1 or 2 kids that were not their own because that was simply what was done.
I believe somehow, in this world of options and leveraging “up”, this team created a culture of community.
Not one of those boys identified as an individual because they were all part of a collective. Any game was winnable without any player because they could re-knit and re-form to cover for the missing piece.
This was not a team built around a star; it was a team that proved that true stardom was achieved when they played together.
I know that part of this bond was also the coaching culture. There was an unspoken understanding that if you made this team, you would be on it for life. Kids did not fear losing their spot, getting cut if they had a bad season, or simply being in a rut.
They may not play as much, but once you were on this team, you had been embraced.
There was something about this unspoken, non-cut culture that I think also sustained these boys. It permitted them to have growing pains and hard times, with a coach willing to ride through it with them, much more like a parent than a singularly minded coach who was all in to win regardless of the human beings he was coaching.
There were consequences for not playing well (the bench, to be sure), but you were not off the team unless you left.
What a gift to have permission to have a hard season.
To be a regular kid?
To struggle?
This is still to say that as a team, they went on to win two back-to-back high school seasons as NY State champions 44-0-1 and were in the top 10 in the nation for most of their tenure as a club team.
There is a lump in my throat as I write this.
The “07’s” are soldiering on, re-configuring as a team without their other half, but the 06’s are still watching.
They live-stream the games from their dorm rooms across the country, staying connected, voicing advice, encouragement, and perhaps some critique. In the best way they can, they are showing up for their teammates who are left to carry the mantle of this team.
In many ways, it is harder to be the ones left than the ones to leave.
Fortunately, I have a younger son who plays now with the “07s,” so I am not entirely cut off from the sidelines.
But I am acutely aware that we parents were fortunate to be a part of greatness.
Our 06/07 boys will be friends, teammates, and, in many ways, family for life. We parents instinctively know that they were given an education in something that modern-day parenting rarely creates: the culture of others before self.
A team where the sum was far greater than its individual parts.
Their lived experience will result in the gift of friendships that will transcend time.
Get to KnowDr. Danielle Shelov
Dr. Shelov's therapeutic approach emphasizes understanding individuals within the context of their families, childhood experiences, relationships, and larger systems as crucial to psychological treatment.
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