The Pieces of Us We Cannot See
How do we show up in this world?
What is the version of ourselves that we want the world to see? Conversely, what are the pieces of ourselves that we neglect- malnourished by our inattention?
We all have an identity. A face and voice that projects who we are in our everyday life- the outfit we wear as we move through the world.
As an athlete- I often use the analogy of handedness or footedness. If we are right dominant, our reflex is to use our right side over and over, the movement is unconscious and reflexive. We are steady, able, and dextrous.
But what about our less-used side?
It can make us feel fragile and unsure. More cumbersome to navigate- we feel less sure of ourselves and our grace and agility.
Our sense of self is no different. We have a side that is practiced. A part of ourselves that we show the world which is comfortable for us.
But- as is often the question in therapy- what about the silent part that struggles to be heard? What is this voice in us that we keep quiet?
How do we reconcile the explicit voice of who we are with the quieter more fragile side of us that lies underneath?
I am in the midst of a year-long psychedelic therapy training. This past weekend I was able to immerse myself in an experiential training with 20 other therapists- and was part of a group experience that was completely transformative.
The power in the medicine itself was overwhelming, and the imprint that it leaves is astounding. But- the importance of the group itself cannot be overstated.
The recognition that in order to challenge the boundaries of our own minds- one should be wrapped in safety is a massive (and often neglected) component of psychedelic work.
It is not simply the medicine itself, it is also who and what are around you. The depth of the work lies in our ability to feel protected as we lift the gates of our minds to see what we often choose not to see- or have been unable to see.
Behind those gates, we can feel in our bodies what we have forgotten or recognize the pieces of ourselves that have been hardened and neglected with time.
We were given a partner on our weekend experience, and the two of us became a dyad. Being partnered fostered the sense that we were there to keep someone safe, and also that they were there to protect us. An unbreakable force.
I witnessed her dance through the world as she connected with an older version of herself, one that was achingly missed, yet now had been found.
I find myself in the days after, integrating my own experience. Witnessing and seeing the younger, softer sides of myself, the pieces that want nurturing and care, slowness and compassion.
How easily I have bypassed that side of me in this hard-charging world. Adding more weight to my pack for the sake of the system.
That softer voice had grown so quiet- I had almost forgotten she was there.
We all have the piece of ourselves that we no longer show the world, or maybe we never showed the world- but they were always there. I have a sense that the parts we struggle to show may actually be the most precious parts of us.
Perhaps we had to put them in storage years ago?
Maybe we had to rely on certain hyper-resilient parts of ourselves to get us through hard times, or navigate parenting, adulting or whatever else was around us.
Maybe the voice of self-defeat and anguish prevail, and the voices of joy and light within have grown quiet?
As the world takes a much-needed pause around this time- have a look within.
What side of you are you not seeing?
What piece of you is silent that deserves a voice?
Allow yourself the idea that this elusive, maybe frightened and under-exercised voice has the right to take up space.
Who would you be with all of the pieces of you accounted for?
I bet that version of you would be far more embraced than you fear. We left the weekend describing in one word, what we would take from the experience and into the world. My word was softness.
If you could come up with one word to describe what is hidden within, what would it be?
Get to KnowDr. Danielle Shelov
Dr. Shelov's therapeutic approach emphasizes understanding individuals within the context of their families, childhood experiences, relationships, and larger systems as crucial to psychological treatment.
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