The Sober Curious Approach to Food Noise
The sober curious dry January vibe is in full effect this year.
Never before have I read so many articles or had so many patients participating in the month-long sobriety challenge.
As always- I recommend what I believe is the greatest resource for help in controlling your drinking, This Naked Mind by Annie Grace, https://thisnakedmind.com/. As I re-read Annie’s bible, I am again struck by the similarities in her approach towards alcohol and the way I view food noise treatment in The Starving Brain and in my practice.
Let’s compare thinness and booze.
They are two things that we were taught at a very young age to be better. To use the words of teenage and childhood, it was cooler, to both be thin and to “party”. By recognizing these two principles, and unconsciously believing them, we unknowingly formed a belief system.
Without knowing it, this belief system became hard-wired in our brains to be a truth. Neural pathways are created by thinking thoughts and performing behaviors over and over until they become automatic and reflexive.
Unknowingly we created neural pathways in our brains indicating that both alcohol and thinness would lead to a more fun and better life.
It is “cooler and more fun to drink”, and it is “cooler and more fun to be thin” (Don’t cringe at the terminology, put your adolescent hats on as you read this)!
Glennon Doyle refers to this group in her high school as “the goldens”, the crowd who seemed to have it all. Effortlessly thin, quintessentially cool, partying all the time. However, the ultimate truth is, that there is no foundational truth in either of these things. We believe them and live according to these mantras because we have never consciously questioned their truth.
But finally, the sober curious questioning of alcohol is breaking through. The research around the negative effects of alcohol is becoming something we cannot unsee. The surgeon general has now issued a statement that he believes warning labels and cancer causation labels should be on alcohol bottles. People are finally questioning if alcohol is really cool.
This generation is the first one in our lifetime to drink far less than the generation before it.
Gen Z drinks 20% less per capita than Millennials, and 45% of 21+ Gen Z-ers do not drink at all.
So how does this Sober-Curious questioning apply to food noise?? The entire purpose of of “sober-curiosity” is not the expectation that you quit drinking forever. It is all about the re-examination of your relationship with alcohol.
Do I actually want the drink that is in front of me?
Just because everyone is having a drink do I really want one right now?
And most importantly- is it serving me?
Will I wake up tomorrow hung-over? Will I be up at 3am with anxiety and worry?
Will I end up white knuckling through the day instead of enjoying it?
When was the last time you really questioned if being extremely thin really served you?
It is important to note that I am not talking about being healthy and fit and having a relatively healthy relationship with food, eating in a balanced way, and responding to your hunger and fullness cues. I am talking about the very basic concept: What does thin obsession bring you?
The question: does all of this hyper-focusing on thinness and bodies come from a place that is real? Is all of the food noise we live with every single day worth it?
And- is the food noise actually achieving the goal of being underweight-or is it just making our everyday lives harder?
I am in no way questioning society's obsession and validation around thinness, and the fact that this is not stopping. GLP-1s have only made thinness more accessible and, therefore, more expected and desirable. In my experience, it is the number one thing that people compliment others on, and now people just wonder if others are on Ozempic or if they “did it on their own”.
But, let’s step out of our neural pathways for one minute.
Is your food noise serving you? What is your food noise? Is your life better or worse between the compliments of- “Wow, you look great! How did you do it”?? I have been deconstructing this belief about thin superiority and food noise in my office for years, but to achieve total food noise curiosity, let’s challenge it on this larger stage: What does this obsession do? How does it serve us?
There are some truths about food restriction that many people do not know:
It makes us tired and irritable
It makes us irrationally obsessed with food
It makes us want to binge (usually at night)
It makes us feel guarded and protective of our feelings
It causes us to isolate
It makes us depressed
It increases our anxiety
It decreases our bone density
It can interfere with our heart functioning
It makes us feel- whether we know it or not- lonely and afraid.
We lose our agency and confidence
The other thing about being hyper-focused on thinness and weight, which ultimately results in food restriction and dieting, is that we are chronically hungry and dissatisfied. Think about it. Can you focus when you are hungry? Are you as smart or as capable? Do you show up completely in your relationships when thinking about the pang in your stomach, focusing on how many calories you ate or what foods you will let yourself eat on a given day?
We are living according to the New Year's Intentions, NOT Resolutions.
So my intention for this idea is- just take this information in. Do not do anything with it. Sit with it. Play with it. See how much and how often you think about food and place judgment on yourself around your food and exercise behaviors. Understand your very own food noise.
Now, for the first time, ask yourself where these thoughts and beliefs came from. When did you become so habituated to the noise that you stopped seeing it as noisy?
Message me with any thoughts! Happy Curious January…..
Get to KnowDr. Danielle Shelov
Dr. Shelov's therapeutic approach emphasizes understanding individuals within the context of their families, childhood experiences, relationships, and larger systems as crucial to psychological treatment.
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