What Does is Mean For America to Have a Woman President?
This election is by far, one of the hardest things I have ever endured. The intensity and polarity is gutwrenching.
People experience the side they have chosen with a commitment that I have not witnessed in my lifetime. It is hard.
It is hard when our loved ones are on the other side, and we cannot seem to breach the divide. We both believe we are right. The opposing sides are exposed to entirely different information, news outlets, and social media.
It is clear that the communication channels we receive are so different that our actual realities are different.
I will not use this space to go toe-to-toe on the issues because, for every reason I provide, the other side has a counterargument. We are so staunchly in our corners that I cannot even make sense of how we have gotten here.
Rather than debate policies or candidates, I want to explore something deeper—something that goes beyond individuals and into the heart of our society.
As a psychologist, I study systems. People exist within systems: relationships, families, communities, and cultures are all interconnected.
One thing we know from psychological theory is that systems resist change. Human beings tend to reject the unknown, choosing familiarity even when it’s harmful.
It’s why people remain in toxic relationships or stick with patterns they know aren’t good for them—because familiarity feels safer than the uncertainty of change.
That innate and unshakeable resistance to change makes me wonder: How much is gender tipping the scales in this election at a subconscious level?
The United States has never, in its 235-year history, had a woman in the highest office. Since George Washington took the oath in 1789, every single U.S. president has been a man. This unbroken pattern has become part of our collective unconscious—the deeply ingrained beliefs and archetypes that shape human behavior across generations. In this case, the implicit assumption is that only men are presidents. That’s all we’ve known.
I know people will disagree with this. I know they may think I am not looking at the issues or the “policies” and that I am reflecting on something that is not an overt part of the conversation.
But please. Hear me out.
Psychology tells us that people are risk-averse, and change—even necessary change—feels threatening.
Could it be that, on some unconscious level, we’re not ready to see a woman in the highest position of power?
Are men really willing to cede their seat at the head of the table?
Would a king ever willingly step aside and offer the queen the throne?
Yes, progress has been made. Young women now have a much more equal view of the world than I did at their age. But let’s not forget: Just 50 years ago, women couldn’t get a credit card in their own name.
Even today, some women struggle to obtain mortgages if they are not married to a man, and women continue to earn close to 20% less than men in identical roles.
So, are we truly ready for a woman to lead? The idea of a woman president introduces a profound unknown. Would it disrupt deeply held gender roles? Would men stay home more while women rise to higher positions in the workplace?
Research shows that behavior and culture trickle down from the top. If the top looks different—if the leader isn’t a man—how will that shape our national identity?
What kind of America would we become? And perhaps the scariest question: would we still recognize ourselves?
Here’s the truth: what we have now isn’t working.
This intense red-versus-blue divide is tearing us apart, leaving us gridlocked and angry. The current system, with its entrenched patterns, is failing us.
When I work with patients, I often remind them that even though change is scary, staying in a broken system out of fear is far worse. Systems want us to remain stuck because the known feels safe. But I believe it’s time to step into the unknown. It has to be better than this.
It feels like we’ve been in an abusive relationship long enough.
Maybe it’s finally time to leave.
Get to KnowDr. Danielle Shelov
Dr. Shelov's therapeutic approach emphasizes understanding individuals within the context of their families, childhood experiences, relationships, and larger systems as crucial to psychological treatment.
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